nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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