My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
