I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
