is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
