You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
