I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
