Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
