I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
