If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
