I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
