my vag is so smooth its legendary
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
