It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
