There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
