are you still at the devil's house?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
