It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
