I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
