You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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