grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
