he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
