just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
