Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
