so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
