this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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