So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
