When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
