I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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