I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
