Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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