O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
