he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
