I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
