My hand turned me down
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
