If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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