Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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