yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
