So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
