the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
