I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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