She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
