Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
