She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
