I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
