when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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