I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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