dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
