so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
