you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
