I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
