Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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