I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
