Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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