So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
