Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
