Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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